Today I hung out with friends and took my mother out for lunch for her birthday. I purchased some probiotics and started up a Saint John's Wort regimen to try and break through this initial depression. I also purchased compression gloves to help with my hands being unusable. I'm going to do some basic movements with 5lb weights to prepare my mooscles for tomorrow's hell and then play some Witchspring R for a little while.

Did my exercises yesterday, played some games. The compression gloves seemed to have helped quite a lot. Consumed some expired maca powder and got the runs so I called off from work. Figure I need a mental health day anyways. Got mad over stupid shit and now I don't really know how to correct the situation but I'm probably overthinking it. Since starting up the St. John's Wort routine again to suppress my emotional highs/lows I've had the worse case of sleep paralysis in 5 years (after going on a 2 year streak without any) and have had several disturbing dreams/nightmares (in one my house was haunted after refusing to go into a deep labyrinthian construction zone and in the other I was fighting in some war and raped some female conscript after sneeki breeki ambushing all the motherfuckers in a building). I'm remembering why I hate taking this plant. Never have these sorts of dreams when I'm not using this stuff, but it's keeping me calm and organized in the waking hours so I'll get through my current stash of it. Started calorie counting and mostly just relaxing. I'll start up a calisthenics routine on what would normally be my "cardio" days since I don't want to do cardio right now. I might start back up learning how to do muscle contortion as well. Gonna eat a nectarine and just relax for a few hours.

Results: Can only do 10 pushups Can only do 10 situps if I have a pad of some kind on my tailbone Can only hold a third world squat without stabilizers for 30 seconds and only in the sumo position (can hold a regular third world squat for about two minutes if I have something to stabilize) Can only hold a plank for a minute Can't do a proper pullup, can only hold a pullup for 10 seconds once I'm in the "up" position At least I have a baseline to work off of. My lifts are decent but my calisthenics are shit.

Back to work. Got through my shift. Just 3 more 12-hour shifts and then I'm back to 10-hour shifts again. Started binging bible in a year w/Father Mike Schmitz on my phone instead of just listening to anisong all night long. Currently finishing the story of Job and the story of Abraham. Link for those who also want to watch along: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFbGuKTjlmc&list=PL0QzUlsjD3k3UnRBLz_Y3DYQGv-mQAqy0 Got through my weight training/grip training and got everything ready for tomorrow's shift. Having some homemade tonkatsu and a nectarine then I'm off to bed here in an hour or so. I think I'm gonna cook steaks and potatoes on Thursday. Garlic is consumed, milk is downed. After I beat WitchspringR I'm thinking I need to start working on learning. God must be smiling on me because I got put in the queue to get bumped from a temp position into a full-time position as soon as someone quits opening up a slot. They sent an auditor over to punish me for not being in yesterday and instead the auditor put in a good word for me because he realized I was going above and beyond what was required of me.

I'm exhausted and my abs hurt. After Tomorrow and Friday I should be allowed to go back to my department though. Not much to comment on. I got through Genesis, started Exodus (for a second time). Not much else to say. Gonna cook some food here shortly and then go to sleep shortly after that.

Got pulled off the department I hate to work another department. That department was so short-staffed that I was put in charge of basic maintenance for about a football field's length's worth of machines without supervision or help 10 minutes into the training. The big boss thanked me and said I did a good job though so I couldn't have fucked up too hard. My back and legs are stiff so I think I'll shower and then nap (unless I nap and then shower) and lift weights later this evening. Found out I still have about 40 hours in that one department because they don't count training towards your total hours worked so that pushes the last mandatory day over there out to something like Wednesday or Thursday next week. Only got a couple chapters of bible listening done today. Would have started with bible listening if I knew tonight would be like this. Still, it seems like I'm in the running to get into the positions I want to work once I hit my minimum time requirements. On the game front I'm like 70% done with WitchspringR. I really ought to pick up Japanese or Coding again once I finish it and hold off on more geimu for a little while. Anyways my back is killing me and I have to lean forward to type on my keyboard so I'm gonna shut up now. Saint John's Wort is fully processing now and my emotional highs and lows are dead, but that's probably a blessing in disguise right now.

Didn't do too good today. Went and got fast food after I got off work which in and of itself isn't the end of the world, but I got two burgers instead of one since I was starving from the night before. Went over to my sister's house and played with my nephew for a bit/brought over some groceries for her. Ended up sleeping for a combined 13 hours, but my body needed it. Played a little more WitchspringR and lifted my weights. Just taking care of essentials like laundry today. Listening to Father Josiah Trenham in the background since I don't think I'll get to the finale for this game until next week. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByYCiUHA-WY

Didn't post yesterday because I wanted to be up early to go to brunch with my family so I had to go straight to bed. Then my mom offered to shave my head that evening so I insisted on doing some work around the house to "pay" for it since she wouldn't let me actually pay her to cut it. Point being I was either asleep or away from the computer the entire day. I'm gonna beat WitchspringR today, prep a sweet onion soup to throw in the slow cooker while I'm at work tonight, and maybe cook my little brother some breakfast when he wakes up in a few hours. Made the board unhidden.

Got through Exodus and Leviticus, almost through Numbers and Deuteronomy. Work keeps bouncing me back and forth between departments to keep me from reaching my 80 hours so I can tell them to fuck off. At this point I won't hit my 80 hours until next Sunday. If they delay any more I might be adding an additional day to that. Now I'm pissed because I took up an extra shift on Thursday so that I'd hit my hour requirements. Reading/listening through Leviticus & Numbers for a second time sapped out most of my mental energy. They're so fucking dry... Shoulders and back are feeling it so I'm going to abstain from weights this morning. I might do light weights on Tuesday and then I'm going to try to hit the weights hard Friday when I get home since I'll have a "long" weekend (~60 hours). HR talked to me today about something that happened in my first two weeks. They hummed and hawed and didn't know what the fuck they were talking about before making me sign a statement to end a corporate investigation, but fuck it if it gets me into full revenue a little faster I'll suck it up. The stew I'm making should be ready here in the next half hour so I'll eat some of that and then probably go to bed. Stomach has felt like it's turning inside-out since first break. I hope I'm not getting sick.

Worked, got moved around a lot at work so all my muscles are sore, have a weird quarter-sized welt on my thigh and trying to bleed it with a needle thinking it was an inverted zit just made it worse. Listened to more bible in a year, fell asleep on the recliner. Reading some manga but didn't really accomplish much of anything today. I still feel mentally overloaded from last week and now I'm angry that I picked up a short shift on Thursday because work is doing everything in their power to keep me from hitting my 80 hours and getting the fuck out of this department. It's intentional at this point. Just three more days until I can have my weekend. Cooking some breakfast for my little brother and then I'm gonna head to sleep. I might get back into writefagging. connection fail connection fail

Body hurts from moving between departments, but this too shall pass. I can cope with missing exercises for now if my muscles are this sore since it's a sign that I'm working them all over from being moved between different areas of high volume. Got through the gospel according to John. I'm reminded of just how beautiful the words of Christ are. Baking breakfast and then I'm probably off to sleep after that. If I can keep this blog going for a month I'll officially ask for it to be set to SFW. Read through a volume of an important manga yesterday, took care of a few other personal life things that aren't really the purview of imageboards. My days have been fairly dedicated to just getting through work and then getting enough nutrition and sleep to continue to function and thrive instead of emaciate like I'm watching happen to a lot of my coworkers who got hired for these overnight shifts around the same time as me. Back to prepping for my last full shift of wage slaving in the wage cage for the week and then a half-shift the following day because I got played like a fool. No use crying over spilled milk but unless I want the money I won't be putting in any more overtime requests until they bump me into revenue since they're taking advantage of me. Sorry, not much to update on. God is great, mooscles hurt good, and that small sliver of hope for the future is amazing.

Relevant video before I forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUfOSj9TMLw

Somehow even more sleep deprived but body hurts far less today. Somehow my hours weren't being logged properly so after I work tonight I don't have to go back to that department. Got through Samuel 1 and started Samuel 2. Could only stand listening to Chronicles for so long and had to put on the news to reset my brain. Gonna lift weights tomorrow. Real weights and not just muscle reinforcement stuff. Found out that some trash I forgot about in the bathroom had rotted and panicked when I walked into a swarm of about 30 flies yesterday. Ended up being late for work while spreading pesticides everywhere. Caved in and bought a burger again. I don't know why I even did that when I have food in my fridge I need to eat or freeze. Back is sore in the bad way but that should go away with a night's rest. Gonna finish eating this burger and then go shower.

I can't keep doing this. Going to the low T center in the morning. I turned down 10 hours at $34/hr because I felt like such complete dogshit that I didn't think I could handle it. Almost fell asleep near the end of my drive home. Didn't exercise, didn't eat. Plugging my phone in, popping a melatonin, and passing out.

Just fuck my shit up, fam. I figured they were low, but they are below the abysmally low levels set by the gubmint to try and intentionally keep men off of test. Sitting around 336ng/ml. 600-800 would be considered ridiculously low for most of human history and in modern times anything above 350 is "fuck off and get your hormones from Mexico" levels. I've been sitting here struggling with diet, exercise, regulating my blood pressure, trying to seek mental help for FIVE YEARS trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, and it turns out it was just a hormonal imbalance and I was too much of a poorfag/not willing to consider that maybe there was some kind of body imbalance because of my skepticism of anyone tied to the medical community.

Ended up falling asleep during my waking hours so now I'm up during my sleeping hours, but I slept a combined 12-13 hours (with some offs and ons) so I'd say that was probably the most important thing since usually I'm an insomniac. Gonna chillax. Even though my numbers were abysmally low, they were still barely in the qualifying range so I'm letting my diet and exercise regimen go to shit this week hoping to keep my numbers low on the mandated followup test this Thursday. God-willing I'll still qualify, and if not at least I'll know what area I need to improve. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFE8Icn0xyQ

I finally qualified for benefits today so I signed up for health/dental/vision/life insurance and the works. It's gonna come out to about $130/month but the deductible is pretty low and the coverage is pretty good so I'm alright with that. I've never bothered with health insurance, but since I'm approaching 30 I feel like I need to start giving a shit about my health.

Wasn't really anything to say yesterday. I got sick from eating something from the break room vendor and then slept for most of the day outside of some light manga reading. Today I'll probably do some more manga reading after eating, do some laundry, and go to bed. Then after tomorrow's shift I'll hopefully start on test shots.

Finished drying the towels, cooked some slider burgers, didn't really do anything all that interesting. Called off work because my back hurt like a bitch, starting to suspect I do have some kinda flubug and my body is just fighting it off real good. Got my first T-injection tomorrow. There's a slim risk of blood clotting from testosterone injections and my family has a genetic history of blood clotting, so I spent the week finishing reading through the rerelease of ARIA. They changed scenes at a number of places in this special masterpiece edition run and added about ten chapters over 7 volumes along with several fully-colored chapters done in water color paint, so it's nice to own something so personal and near/dear to my heart. Well, if I die it can't be helped. I won't make another post until after I get back from the doctor's office tomorrow.

FUCK my ass hurts from that injection. The injection didn't hurt but my ass got sore like 20 minutes later. I feel pretty damn good, not sure how much of it is placebo and how much of it is the test. I think next week will be the proving grounds. Hopping off garlic for a week dropped my T-levels from 336 down to 160 so let it be known that all you motherfuckers should be on raw garlic.

Not much to discuss. Rained yesterday. Sleep schedule is fucked right now. All things considered doing pretty good. Gotta take a shit.

Woke up at a weird time, doubt I'll sleep again before it's too late. Tonight's gonna suck. Gonna finish exercising and then deal with the trash situation. Roommate has one fucking job and he's such a lazy piece of shit he can only take the trash out once a month. Figure if I barricade the kitchen with trash bags so he has to choose between going hungry or dealing with it then he should take the hint.

Managed to get a little more sleep in. I'm all the way at Ezekiel now in the Old Testament. Powering through Kings and Chronicles was terrible. Thanks to the TRT I had enough energy to hop on the treadmill and power-walk for about an hour after work today. My weight is up from stress-eating during all the overtime last month, but I have a feeling it will come back down pretty quick. Head has been a little empty, but I feel at peace in a way that I haven't in a long time. I just had to let it all go. It was a lot easier said than done, but prayer and relying on others is going a long way towards that. Got the power rack cleaned up more or less so it's back to real weightlifting tomorrow. It's time to leave humanity behind. Almost done with Saikin Yatotta Maid ga Ayashii anime. The anime is shit, but it can't be helped mediocre anime is perfect for cardio.

They fucked me at work today. Shoulders are fucking dead because they put me through the ringer with malicious intent pushing 50lb boxes for 8 hours. Gonna just do light weights since I still have to function the next two days. Old job contacted me and asked me to come in and train someone. I was gonna tell them no but I kinda fucked them when I left so I figured it would be better to help out (they're paying me obviously). Figure I'll eat some breakfast, do light weights, and then maybe fuck around for an hour or two before heading to bed. Had a job opportunity with a company branch clear out in Indiana to do technician work, but they work with the airport so I have to take care of some shit on my record before I can go work for them, so I guess I'll be working overtime for the next six months at this rate.

Why don't you post more every day. You can read Chronicles and Kings at the same time, using this PDF, and therefore finish them together rather than finish one and read the same thing over again. And you can replace all secular music time with christian music which there is already a folder for. https://mega.nz/folder/GdhnxLJJ#HdgB35j6T9tpVNY_dxwcYg

>Job is to look for anyone who might be saved from the end-times by hardening their spirit >God tells him flat-out that it's his duty but it ain't gonna happen >Weeps for his herd to return to the flock in great poetic verse for 40 years >God tells him flat out his journey will be too painful for him to be allowed a wife or children out of mercy >Dies a stranger exiled to a foreign land Man, Jeremiah hits hard. Damn... Passed out shortly after showering. Looked into some career pathway stuff. Gonna head into work in a little bit and then try to survive a short family outing after work tomorrow. The official HakuMiko manga TL is now ahead of the fan TL, was a good read and I'm looking forward to the next book. Gonna try to pick up Shouju Shuumatsu Ryouko and read the physical paper next. >>26 Not really much to post. I spend 10 hours overnight at work, I come home and eat dinner/shower, watch a few jewtube videos and/or consume a little manga/vidya, then go to bed. There's some interactions with friends sometimes, or family who all want to extract something from the dead corpse, but none of those conversations are things that would "keep me on-track" with a daily blogpost. >Read I'm listening to bible in a year by Fr. Mike Schmitz I could bring myself to read the NT gospels since I feel those are better on paper but my goal is having spiritual lecture/instruction/context while getting through the OT. Well, really it helps to have something to listen to in my ear in general while doing slave labor.

Left work early, got a nap in. Did some shopping. They had this organic ramen with pea protein mixed in on clearance for $0.60/cup so I picked up $50 worth since it's good shit on-the-go pic related. Picked up other stuff as well, having a Sam's Club/Costco membership is great. Need to hit up Costco for snacks at work (nuts, protein cookies, etc.) but that can wait for a couple weeks. Trying out Cook Unity pre-made meals since I'm getting sick of eatin' Factor keto meals every day at werk. Chicken breast/green beans with seasoning gets old after a while. Had to buy 30 meals but it was like $5/ea. so I think it was worth it. Got in for my weekly test shot and they had my blood work. Everything is pretty much ok, thyroid is good, blood sugar levels are good, etc. Immune system is running a little hard and vitamin D was a little low but that's to be expected since I work overnights right now. Apparently my adrenal stress hormones are through the roof and they suspected that it was a result of prescription meds, but the reality is that I've been that stressed for years so I'm unsurprised. Trying to get in contact with a substance-abuse professional so I can get this stupid failed drug test off my DOT record and go back to fixing robutts for a living for something more than $10 less than the cost-of-living. Fucking warehouse work pays better than those niggers cracking a smile while they kick a man while he's down. Classes for the non-DOT robotics maintenance position close out a month before I qualify for free classes, might use the AmaZOG stipend to take Japanese courses or something if I have to wait a year, I dunno. gonna just chillax and have a couple beers. Kuro corp asked me to come in and train a guy on a machine so I figured I'd be nice and do it since it should get me a letter of recommendation for my next non-corpo job. I don't really wanna go in since the CEO is gonna try and slimeball me back to building breathalyzers for the police. I'd rather work a warehouse then work under him for anything other than the occasional favor. Same pay and at least the warehouse keeps me physically active instead of spending my days greasing machines/programming robots at a computer. Robocop game is pretty fun. It plays like those old SWAT games, but as an FPS. Graphics are PS2-tier and controls are N64-tier, so I don't know why it has such horrible memory/GPU bleed. Probably shitty devs.

Went into kuro corp (old job) to help teach how to use a machine yesterday. I didn't really want to but I felt like it's the right thing to do. CEO has finally accepted I'm not coming back but asked me to come in periodically to train my replacement when they get around to hiring him so I agreed to help. Hung out with my little brother and then mostly slept through most of the day after getting home. Made some gifs. Posted the rest to spee. Gonna sleep a little more and then chill with friends washing anime later. Then it's back to the grind on Sunday.

Saturday I hung out with friends. Sunday I rested most of the day and then worked. Monday I slept for about 10 hours and now I'm going back into work. Hopefully tomorrow I won't feel the need to sleep so much.

Played a little Vampire Survivors yesterday and got caught up in my little brother ranting. Didn't accomplish much. Listened to some of Fr. Josiah Trenham's works, made a bunch of iced tea, ended up being late for work but only by a bit and I was consistently in the top 10 on the floor all night so there was that. Was gonna do some cardio this morning but my landlady sent me a nastygram because our shitty HOA sent her a nastygram and I ended up having to spend this morning uprooting alfalfa and trees so that they would shut up and stop fining me. Threw out my shoulder doing it, hoping it recovers with some rest tonight. Third test shot tomorrow. I just slept all week this week during my off-time but my appetite was also way down. I'm thinking I might fast on Saturdays moving forward. Sayonara, trees. Until we meet again at a new home, gnomes. Concrete jungles are so ugly and I hate boomers for hating plants. Lord, please give me the strength to forgive these niggers and not wish DoTP upon them, for I do not have the mental wherewithal to not wish death to boomers/genXers.

Worked, got my testo shot this morning. Bought some ingredients to make stew (beets, hatch chiles, canned chickpeas in tomato paste, cabbage, onion, carrot, had some celery and cubed beef at home). Boiling some rotisserie chicken bones in a diluted vinegar solution on the stovetop to make a nice broth to go with it. Going to rest today, but I'm thinking I might make Saturdays a fasting day. Going to try to go to church on Sunday. With my sleep schedule I'm not sure if I'll make it, but that is the goal.

Turns out the thing that's been fucking my life up since December was never properly documented so I can go back to safety-sensitive technician work at any time. God I'm a massive baka aho for not checking in with the government. I just assumed the electrician union filed their shit properly. Made some bone broth last night outta a rotisserie chicken carcass and inedible vegetable scraps, gonna turn it into that stew. Slept a lot. Will probably sleep even more later but for now my belly is full of salmon and okra, my spirit is lifted, and I might go buy a cheap bottle of brandy or soju to celebrate the good news. I think I'll grill some steaks to celebrate too.

Was hungover Saturday. Running a mild fever today so I slept in. I have a short week this week so I'll do my best to get a "full" workweek in. Nothing to report really.

Nothing really to report Monday. Just a slow day and lots of sleep. They're forcing me to learn a department I don't want to learn and getting mad that I'm doing a mediocre job of it. Pic related. If they try and force me to learn the other outbound department I'll walk out. I don't care how many times they write me up I'd rather be unemployed than dead/out on workmans comp for spinal injuries. Every time I try to get back into an exercise routine they throw me on some new shitty department that throws out my back bending and stooping because everything outside of my department is designed for fucking midgets. God damn. It's gotta be intentional at this point. Just gotta hold out until November and then I can learn other roles that aren't shitty.

I can't read the text when it's black on purple. Anyways work sucked, just 100 more hours and then I can go back to my regular department 30% of the time because of labor share always favoring this department. Fucking niggers. If I don't get a transfer to a department that doesn't do labor share come November or get a robotics tech class opening up I'm gonna start job hunting. Woke up my neighbors doing 5AM yard work because of my landlady bitching about superficial shit like "dirt on the wall" while living 300 miles away. What a load of shit. Tempted to just drop the ball and break lease when I move out instead of giving her advanced notice because of shit like this. Don't give a fuck, long weekend and it's gonna be a long next two weeks so I'm buying some pot. I'm fucking done with today and the sun hasn't even come up yet.

The rum marijuana is all gone and that was as stupid of a decision on my part as I knew it would be. Satan decided to tempt me by basically giving me 90% of the days between then and now off work and I proceeded to go through 3g of concentrate in the course of maybe 16 days. That's like doing several dabs a day for non-smokers. To make matters worse I locked myself out of my truck when I got to work, but thankfully I was able to get some help from fam who's usually wishy-washy. It's ok though. Work is still gay but I don't hate myself as much for now and that's the important part. They increased my test dosages last Thursday and now I'm worried I might be causing permanent damage to my body. I say that because I was able to get through work today without my knees feeling like they'd blow out, despite having a significantly higher number of packages that required squatting/kneeling compared to normal, and despite sleep deprivation. I'll have to make sure I take care of myself. I think I'm going to focus on cleaning house the rest of this week since I can't even get to my power cage right now after a supply drop-off of toilet paper/paper towels. On the spiritual side, I've been working through some stuff after my little depressive sadcuntery. I don't feel like I'm any closer to being out of the hole, but at least, for the first time in a while, I'm not really worried about it either. I can't believe I missed the Virgin Mary's birthday on the 8th because I was too fucking high, but all I can do is ask the father for forgiveness and keep pushing forward. Finished up the Old Testament (including apocrypha) Sunday night and got through the last of the Gospels last night by finishing Luke, so now it's just Acts for these last 45ish audio files. I think I'll download the Patristic Nectar Publications application since Father Josiah Trenham is doing God's work (pun intended), and I might also look at some of the bible studies of the ACROD Diocese since Father Kenneth Bachofsky has a lot of scriptural study lectures. Funnily enough that's the note that Father Mike Schmitz ended on today was how no matter how much water is spilled, the fountain will always deplete you first because there is always something new to learn. I really want to go to church, but Saturdays I stay up late since it's the primary day I get to see my friends/family, and I have to get up for work around 3-4PM on Sundays and Divine Liturgy is at 9AM... I might just suck it up anyways since it would be better to be sleep deprived than to be spiritually deprived. I really don't wanna go to day shift and if I take up the 2nd shift that has Sundays off, I'll never see my friends since I'll have to work every Saturday, so it's a conflicted feel. Well best to take a shower and cook last meal. I hate calling it supper since it's morning but it's not like I'm breaking a sleeping fast to justify calling it breakfast. Maybe play some spehs geimu for an hour depending.

Listened to a bit of Dr. Farrell's works on the boy crisis this evening. Link for those who want the rundown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAqCISsZEM4 I might buy the book for someone I know since she's in the process of feminizing her son without realizing it. Asked for leniency today because I was running on 2 hours of sleep and their response was to give me tomorrow (my Friday) off instead, so I used my sick hours to leave early (they reset in January anyways). At this rate a month will go by before I hit my 80 hours to go back home lmao Heard a fun little piece of advice, don't remember where it was since everything today is getting kinda mixed up but it went "never date someone who can't fast." Kind of makes sense since cluster-B and narcissists (the main two scares in dating) have close to zero self-control so it would go to follow that they'd probably be incapable of fasting for 24-48 hours. Trying to figure out how to rework my fasting schedule so that I fast on Fridays so it came to mind. My work is hosting a career fair tonight because of all the people who will go into revenue in October-December so I'll probably get up early and print off a couple copies of my resume/head down to the building anyways for an hour or so to go introduce myself to the managers. I don't think I'll be allowed to jump straight into robotics maintenance but if I can at least get into something that's more mental than physical, I think working here for a year while grinding XP would be doable. Issue right now is that they only know carrot and stick and all the teamleads are first-time leaders who only know how to use the stick, so I'm reaching the point where when they smack me with it I'm about ready to turn around and beat them black and blue with their own stick, y'know? No need to get fired for losing my temper on people with less managerial experience than myself so best to flow like watah and get into a position where I'm not assumed to be a dumb nigger by default. Gonna watch a couple jewtube vids I put off since my Wednesday became my Friday, shower, then prolly go to sleep. image sauce: https://nitter.poast.org/aiu404l oh and unrelated but happy 10th anniversary spee

Took an accidental nap when I got home from work, started my workout routine back up and got through weights. Eating some green pepper, cabbage, lentil, and cheese soup and then gonna go back to bed. Found my waistband ruler so I can measure waist instead of weight (48" right now, I be chonky) since that's what I really care about. Don't matter if I weigh 190 or 230 by the end of this journey if I can look down and see my benis. Ordered some creatine and ElevATP (edible peat, boosts ATP production/retention) to help with muscle fatigue after work. Also picked up a red light therapy belt to help with muscle stiffness and to sun my balls since it's illegal to sit outside with my nuts hanging out in the sun. Let's fucking GO yeah buddy

And before someone gives me weird looks, yes you should sunbathe your nuts. >Decreases risk of cancer >Improves sperm quality (mobility and numbers) >Increases dopamine/serotonin production in the balls allowing for better recovery of hormones >Makes your nuts more sensitive but firm >Increases body-wide ATP production >Allegedly reduces body-wide inflammation >120-300% increase in testosterone according to the science If you can't suntan your balls, red light exposure in the red light/infrared ranges (simultaneously) has a similar (read reduced) effect. You'll get a first-hand account since I have to get my blood checked every 6 weeks anyways. Should show up next week, allegedly I just slip it under the sack for 20 minutes a day.

>Doing stupid assignments for outbound so I can finish my mandatory hours >Have to pee >Send all my shit downstream so I'm not holding anyone up >Take a piss >Come back >They reassigned me to another station while I was taking a piss >New station is directly below the AC unit >Try to adjust fan to blow away from me >Fan literally comes off its hinges and falls into the conveyor belt >Report it and try to work >Too fucking cold >Put on jacket >Proceed to overheat because I'm physically working >File an injury report and go down to health and wellness >Health and Wellness tells me to go bug HR >HR asks Health & Wellness wtf and they tell HR that I'm "already addressing the problem drinking water and stuff" >Refuses under any circumstance to document that I had a heat injury >Go on lunch >When I come back they try to throw me back on that station >Tell them to fuck off >They punish me by putting me on a different floor on a manual station (with several empty robotic stations around me) >Work at a moderate pace because vertigo and muscles still cramping >They get mad and send me back to my home department to cover up that I'm injured Since it's just a heat injury I'll shut up if they drop it, but I'll go nuclear with the global ethics hotline if I get disciplined over this.

Didn't feel well and couldn't move my arms yesterday, slept for about 15 hours and used time off that I ought not to have. Today was alright. I got through work, and I only have about 15 days left in my Bible In A Year journey (at the first part of Thessalonians). After my test shot in an hour or two I think I'm going to go to church. I don't know if anyone will be there since it's a Thursday, but my emotions for the last several years have been like a boiling-hot dutch oven with steam shooting out of the lid, and yet right now I feel as if it's finally reduced to a manageable simmer where the water inside isn't violently thrashing and making its way out of the pot. I feel like something is calling me to show up even though I'm genuinely afraid.

Left my headphones at home on accident so couldn't listen to the bible at work today. Asshole manager royally fucked me over because he's still mad at me for getting him in trouble with corporate a couple months back. Ate a burger. Limbs are too stiff to lift weights. Packages are late. Did a big dumb and ordered $200 worth of books for the apocalypse library. Gonna go apply for the city bus system since I'm getting the impression this manager has it out for me and is keeping me from getting promoted. Entire reason I went to bezosmart was for robotics maintenance because I thought my commercial learner's permit was suspended and then I find out that I can't even do the robotics without a CDL now (and obviously that it wasn't suspended, albeit now expired).

Guess I'm job hunting again. After >>42 they're now doing some illegal shit to try and isolate and fire me. I put it off for now by going down to a different department which is high-priority and always short-staffed so they can't forcibly relocate me but the dumb niggress flat-out admitted she's gonna intentionally try to write me up to entrap me, so now I have a corporate complaint opened against her. On a brighter note I finished the New Testament today. My body hurts a LOT from working in that high-demand environment but it's enough physical action that I don't feel a strong need to exercise for now since I'm essentially doing low-intensity weights/mid-intensity cardio for 10 hours every evening.

Wew, didn't post yesterday because I was dead-ass tired after palletizing an entire long-truck of product. Thank God for creatine. I was gonna listen to 12 rules to live by, but the audiobook got taken down from jewtube/rumble and the only other available copies either have missing videos or they're read by some crack addict talkingninetymilesanhourlikethisholycrapIcan'tevenfollow. Instead I started Fr. Josiah Trenham's Orthodox Catechism lectures on the PNP app. Lived out the Mike Tyson quote on my way home from the Low-T center today. >Driving home >Some bitch-ass clunker in front of me doing 5 under >See an opportunity and slingshot around on the right >Tries to swerve into my truck >Too slow, misses >Wave goodbye and continue on my way home >See this nigga's following me >Tuck gun into jacket pocket just in case and go into a random parking lot >It's some hungry skeleton dudeweedlmao >"Not worth it bro, go home." >He hops out of his little green clunker and starts bitching up a storm while approaching me aggressively <"I'm gonna kick your ass motherfu-" >Smack him across the his temple HARD and give him the sankaku eyes <"Bro, you just hit me!" >"Shut up." >Dudeweed goes all bug-eyed and can't talk while still gaping that I hit him >"You're gonna get yourself killed, don't ever follow someone dude." <"Y-Yes sir..." >Wait until he leaves and drives off before going home I thought I was supposed to be the one getting punched in the face, not someone else wtf lmao

Been trying to do right by a friend and helping him out, got in trouble with other friends for doing so but I owned up and told them they should be frustrated with me if anything. I didn't intend to go to church this morning, but my body naturally woke up around 7:30 so I let the lord guide me and went to church. I was going to leave after service, but a man named Nathan pulled my ass back in and made me sit down with him for coffee hour/gave me some books to study when he heard a little bit about my background. I've never met such fine people, I haven't had such a true and genuine interaction with an in-person human being in over a decade. Honestly it brings me to tears knowing there are still good people out there. Thank you Lord. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner...