>>7937 Following this, some time later the same kind of event repeated, this time by them attacking me. Same desert cult, same 5 corpses in cloaks for leaders, but their library only had one book, called "Black Lotus". After defeating them and pacifying the area, it repeated a 3rd time. "Three baskets"? Or the three kelipah which must be destroyed, according to the Tanya Rabbati? I think this is the same as the "three corpses" in Daoism as well, they just externalized it. The walls made from bones constitutes the "shell" or "husk" here. In the 3rd one was again 5 corpse cult leaders (which makes 15 in in all, same as the number of books in the original Tripitaka found by the first cult HQ), but then a 6th appeared. This made me recall the debate about a section from Zhuan Falun which was officially changed, it was mentioning "7 buddhas of the primordial age" and was to be changed to "6 buddhas of the primordial age" because 7 would include Sakyamoni, the founder of buddhism, which caused confusion since he wasn't one of the actual originals. That would mean there is a 7th corpse cult leader here, if it refers to this, so I looked and found one; this one had a large energy mass, forming a "gong pillar" over the head level, but it was the same corpse upheld by stolen energy from cult followers. I gave it the same treatment and it was much more resilient, but this evil spirit was also sent into Exile after the corpse was burned and the energy dispersed. Sometime later, another group attacked me, and revealed a shape which looked like one large mushroom pointing upwards, connected to a small mushroom pointing downwards. Looking closer, they were a sigil created and upheld by a large number of cult followers in red cloaks, all aiming spikes of negative energy outwards like a "hedgehog" military formation. I took them on and dismantled their sigil, which revealed the energy form to match a jewish practice which I won't elaborate because it'll just cause sperging, but it's circumcision related. I later related the two "mushrooms" to the great and small vehicles of buddhism. All of these things can be applied correctly, and I did after seeing all of it. Among the cult followers in red, was also one wearing a crown, who was defeated. The crown upon divining was labeled as "the crown of Lucifer, the lightbringer".

So some stuff happened a bit more >Can hear Mother and Sisters clearer now, even outside of nighttime >Have been attempting relearning Japanese and my programming stuff, in order to reestablish connections with that princess (the marker is still on me, but again, all of this lethargy that I mentioned before had gotten in the way of lot of things) >Sisters (and mother) are having me interact with more women again, to aid in my development and other things >The friend I was talking to Shiva anon about, we talked about the gratitude and promise thing. He basically said to worry about that later after I'm dead and not living here anymore but to just continue to follow my sister, mother and guidance of deities as well as hang around/talk with more women instead of being around prison gays 4chan men on my free time >Sisters and mother basically and added on to this above singular point to "eliminate distractions" because my mind went kinda wild in multiple directions somewhat recently (too embarrassed to go into specifics) when talking to said friend through me the other day >Not sure if I ran into a fragment or what but I "dreamt" I ran into psycho dude in my female original form and I had saw another woman, she appeared anorexic and malnourished (?). I looked at her and tried to help her. The guy tried attacking me and there was a struggle >I think I won out in the end and tended to the other woman and she was more or less recovering well >For some reason I kept hearing the name Minerva when I woke up that morning

Spiders spiders i am a spider lilly. Well fuck! Okay so everything is fucking my fault. I always questioned it why do i have such a hard time despite being good was i a space criminal in a past life? did i do the genocide? Well i fucking get it now and it's beyond frustrating! It's my love...no really My love is pure yellow with white it's extremely pure it's a love for all thing alive you could call it love for life itself or a "love letter to god". Well guess what the "humans" here cannot handle it. So let's be smart spiders here how does someone who cannot know god respond to the love of god? It burns them! it fucking hurts them to the core! so they give it back to (me) the only way they understand it..PAIN PAIN PAIN! It's my fucking fault no shit they'd try to kill me here i am blasting nukes and being grateful and loving for the tiniest shit of course they'd freak the fuck out! They'd think i am doing some weird manipulation thing to kill them! Anyway i spent the last weeks battling horrible entities and eating them, my body is fucking sore but my spine is opening up nicely like i grabbed my dick turned it into a sword and stabbed myself in between the dick and asshole to open the lotus there. Then there is like golden lotus that appears after i clean up hostiles. Anyway i don't wanna talk too deeply about it cuz i like this place and i'd rather give love to this place than despair and rot but sometimes you need both so i am kinda lost on what to do. I remembered some old lifes and body templates seem i was a female monster terrorizing african villages once haha..some girls like to turn boys into men me i like the opposite turning strong men into sobbering boys by stripping everything to the core.. just a way to judge people..this world need more monster to put the fear of god back into their heart and it's not like i mind being a female ghoul arabic definition is closer . So yup gonna cntinue strengthening this body see how much i can unlock. but it sucks cuz to not get attacked i have to coat myself in spirits of rot and despair no i am serious here! Like if i am too pure i get attacked so i have to pretend being as degenerate so the normies chill around me. anyway have a nice never ending night /fringe/ I am under hell rn it's daaaaaark Oh yeah also had this thing where i spite on my dick live with a super long snot string with droplets and remembered that in female form when i fight i am dripping wet and then realize why momma Kali has her tongue out what a model mom seriously! >>7945 >pic I really love it. Remind me of the home i lost long ago. I feel safe when the sky is like that.

>>7945 Combat and thread training again...

I will try my best explaining how timelines appear for me and how "shifting" through them might appear for others. >>7700 >I'm open to hearing about it, still sounds interesting since i still occasionally log into fgo anyway. on that particular subject I will try to explain it to you mainly to try to decrease the amount of confusion you are going through currently. We will start with F/GO because that game is literally about going into alternate timelines and healing/fixing them I have only seen the F/GO anime and that meme manga so I might be not up to date how the game works. So sorry if I say something wrong Fate is an interesting franchise because it is dealing with several big picture and out of the box metaphysical thinking. Sometimes it goes extremely idiotic like most anime but it has some good ideas. >>7863 That "airship" is your "vessel". Like the "Merkabah" the "chariot of God". They can appear as ships and in other forms. That vessel will be your "completed form" that you can use for interdimensional travel. You will need to find all your shards unite them and once you know where you are going and you have a "shipping permit" aka "solved all your karma" and dropped all your "ballast" aka "earthly attachments" you are "free to go". This is the main theory ofc but... there are multiple unknowns that I don't know how they will play out this is why I cannot say anything more certainly. >Lastly my sisters are constantly having me in the form of that pink elf woman i posted the other day... >other night she did come out and issue a statement to the other fragments that may still have resistance so i guess more progress is being made Yes. That pink woman is some sort of "love/passion". That force is necessary as a sort of "fusion". Your shards will need to fuse. There are many emotional frequencies and locks that let shards fuse or break. It is different for everyone. I too am working through this issue and it's not very simple. I too have cross life shards that I am finally having the chance to internalize but the process is not simple. This is why "loving yourself" is important. Helps your shards fuse. Then having the "all encompassing love" and compassion to have the ability to fuse the parts of you that you think they are "Not (You)" for some reason. Like a part of you that you threw away in your childhood to escape a trauma and hid away deeply in your subconscious. Or a part you never had a chance to properly internalize in life yet. You will have to find those. I too just broke a large energy block in my brain yesterday and I am realizing how complicated this energetic "wholeness" can be. >>7864 Good. Yes. Attunement is what you are looking for. Attuning yourself to your own frequency. >>7945 >all of this lethargy that I mentioned before had gotten in the way of lot of things) You will have to learn to vent out those energies. Try to feel them where they are in your body and "breathe or fart it out". I am serious. Lethargy usually happens because your energies stagnate somewhere. Try to feel it where it resides within when you are lethargic. This was one of my lessons in the past months. Usually i "overwrote" lethargy with a stronger feeling but my lesson was to learn to "let go" of lethargy. >as hang around/talk with more women instead of being around prison gays 4chan men on my free time Yeah try to leave those faggots behind >Sisters and mother basically and added on to this above singular point to "eliminate distractions" because my mind went kinda wild in multiple directions somewhat recently (too embarrassed to go into specifics) when talking to said friend through me the other day Yes that happens. Always try to stay collected. But yes the mind has a tendency to go out of bounds when you unlock new parts of it. This is why meditating in a cave for years away from civilization is quite important in many traditions. Easier to forget those distracting mentalities we are poisoned with every day. But it's not important. Try to stay collected and feel/see why you are "falling apart". Understanding that let's you notice parts of you that "act out". >For some reason I kept hearing the name Minerva when I woke up that morning I was thinking about this for a while and... Fate Saber is literally "Minerva". Archetypically they share quite similar traits. Wisdom strategic leadership etc. I think she might be the next step you will have to understand. >>8031 And this is where I will bring back F/GO... I don't even know where to start... Truths is reality has "layers". Way too many layers. Some layers are different timelines some are elemental currents and some are... just weird. When my powers started to increase and I knew I can pull of telekinesis with ease I started practicing it. And it yielded results fast. First it was only minor flickers of the object but it improved steadily. When I could notice lights appear around the object I could move it with ease. That is when I realized the many problems of magic and reality... It turned out I didn't "move the object" but warped reality around it and that moved it... Sounds cool right? Well it wasn't. You see the layers or reality are not always "nice". To move things around IRL we use our body our limbs. Our body is protected by our skin. Our body houses and protects our mind. So if any material thing wants to enter our mind it needs to hurt the body first. It needs to pierce the skin the blood then the mental barriers. Because I connected my mind with a physical object all the energies from the object poured into my mind. It was like black mold that collects under the paint of the walls. I didn't know why weird beings appear in my dreams and my room for a while. It was because I thinned the fabric of reality. And because I practiced TK whenever I felt "bored" I made a sort of "bad habit" of thinning reality around me whenever I was bored.

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Took me a while to cultivate a desire to not use my powers for "mindless practice". After this I realized I need to make proper places for different practices. Before this I meditated on my bed before sleep. That thinned the veil around my bed and gave me weird dreams. Had to realize the feng shui advice to only use my bed for sleeping. Started to meditate in my living room on a carpet. That made most of my weird dreams go away. Psychic powers in the beginning are just about the ability to create thought forms to alter reality at ease. At higher levels it becomes more spectacular. As your energies and awareness "expands" you will step/leak into "other layers" and you will need to learn to clean them. Or know how to interact them if they have "rules" like places with the spirits or the divine. It was the same for me as you in the beginning. Combat combat combat. It was fun... but my guides told me I shouldn't do it "this way". They reminded me how i can "feel" frequencies and how I can invoke or manifest higher frequencies (like light, lightning, compassion etc) naturally to dissolve, disintegrate or "pacify" other forces. Some of them are actual beings that are necessary for the land (like some dwarfs I met and helped them dig caves and reactivate leylines or forest spirits that I had to dance with) and there is the "psychic resides/sludge" that humans and other negative beings generate. That psychic sludge requires purification. Usually that place is filled with parasitic beings. Once it is purified it can be used as a potent energy source. These are the layers where you "kill kill kill". A mage will have to find his "authority" and his "style" how he handles his "dominion" how he affects reality with his energies and how reality affects him in return. There are many elemental planes and such. I realized that different planes resonate with different parts of the body and invoking them changes the shape of the physical and astral body. Different body types resonate with every plane differently. This was only about the "Layers" now I will try to go back to the "timelines". Timelines are somewhat "set in stone" in a way how a river flows on a certain path. But if you pour a cup of water into the river it is not necessary that it will end in the sea where the river flows. This is where things get "weird". Let's go with the river example for now. Where does that water go? It either flows with the river or evaporates or gets drank by an another being or the ground swallows it etc. The water is usually kept together by a "surface tension". If you fall into the water too fast it is as hard as hitting concrete. And the riverbed makes sure that the river goes on it's "path" that it goes into the "least resistance". This is where understanding timelines gets "weird". You have to understand your current lifepath your current "least resistance" the "where you go if you keep going as usual" and the surface tension the membrane or the barrier that keeps your "timeflow" together. Water in the river flows with the river. But if it evaporates it can turn into a cloud and it can rain onto other lands or rivers. Rivers and oceans have their own currents. So does the atmosphere has it's air currents. And the space have gravity veils or fields. Ships airships and spaceships are all about trying to utilize these currents on their voyage. These currents are invisible to the untrained eye but once you are "in it" you will know it from it's effects. Ascending is all about being able to leave the river and the heavens/sky. And this is what you are doing now. Understanding your currents. Usually it is an extremely complicated process but you are lucky in a way. You have your sisters and many entities that can show you the way. And you have a singular goal. Going home. Once the way becomes clear and apparent you will be able to "fly away". Wonder what your "mother" said so far. The reason why I said it's "personal for everyone" because everyone has different goals as they work with their life/magic/timeline. And because of it you might not need to trouble yourself with many distractions that others have to deal with. Hope this made some sense. I tried to keep it simple but I am unsure how much sense it made for you. Spiritual "buoyancy" aka how you flow from one place to the next is not very simple at the start. How you go from one world/incarnation to the next and how you leave the samsara etc. Might say more later but I think this post was enough food for thought for today.

>>8014 >My love is pure yellow with white it's extremely pure it's a love for all thing alive you could call it love for life itself or a "love letter to god". Well guess what the "humans" here cannot handle it. So let's be smart spiders here how does someone who cannot know god respond to the love of god? It burns them! it fucking hurts them to the core! so they give it back to (me) the only way they understand it..PAIN PAIN PAIN! The first time I learned to channel higher energies I lost control over my body like I had epilepsy. It is always important to go down to the level of others when you talk to them mentally and energetically. I actually made people and animals freeze, tremble and get afraid out of nowhere because half my mind was still channeling some energies as I was doing my daily grind. It's always important to notice the light/potential of others and try to match their level. If you can feed their light/love properly they will shed their insecurities/negativity at ease but it's important to always let them do it at their own pace. Once a schizo almost bit off his own tongue as I tried to help him connect to his "God". Bluepilled schizos are the worst. You need to be extra careful with them. That was the moment when I had to realize that others are fragile. Way too fragile. Handle with care as the boxes say. This is why I am trying to understand the deeper layers of compassion and "true empathy". Being able to feel all their pain as you do the "surgery" on them. It's important to feel their weaknesses. Ofc I have to cure my own weaknesses before I can do charity work. Sometimes I notice problems within others that I realize I didn't fully solve yet within myself. It means I don't know how to help them. It's sad but that is how it is. Meddling with others too much has it's own drawbacks especially if you have no idea what you are doing. >but it sucks cuz to not get attacked i have to coat myself in spirits of rot and despair no i am serious here! There is an another way tho. I named it "dominant empathy" back in the day. It is about making the others feel the way you feel. You can call it presence or charisma but the goal is to find the frequency where they are amicable or friendly and try to enhance that energetic frequency of theirs. I can only use it IRL and I need to notice the pattern of the other person but I rarely use it nowadays. My charisma stat is better nowadays. Usually I use this ability to befriend pets when I am too bored. It's a good ego mastery practice. Seeing how the animal sees you. Oh and if you are crazy don't use it. If you transmit crazy energies others will also become crazy but in their own way. If their crazy is different than yours it might not work out well... Had to learn how to not feed the shadow issues of others. It was also a lesson of compassion and ego mastery. >Like if i am too pure i get attacked so i have to pretend being as degenerate so the normies chill around me. Try to make your light make "warmth" and not purging hot piercing light. Like staring at the sunrise or sundown is nice but staring at the sun at noon burns your retinas. Understand your light. Many forms of filth requires a flow of gentle and steady energies before it can be cleansed. Bruteforcing things and hiding your own light isn't the answer. Try to understand it. Also the human body has several pain nerves/circuits. All of them works differently. Currently I unlocked a new type of pain that shapes my body into form. I mostly use it to restore my energy circuits and not to look like Arnie in his prime but seems like that will be the endgoal. I have weird dreams with Arnie or Dolph Lundgren looking muscleguys when I reach some breakthroughs. Probably the pleiadian genetics doing. I had to get over my homophobia to understand what they are about. I thought I am being influenced by some faggotry media then it turned out my body was trying to explain it's internal energy flow. The flesh can talk in weird ways >I am under hell rn it's daaaaaark Go deeper. True light only manifests once you get used to the darkness. I don't think I should say more here. I rarely see darkness nowadays and i like the dark too much. Soothes the mind.

>>8093 >That "airship" is your "vessel". Like the "Merkabah" the "chariot of God". They can appear as ships and in other forms. That vessel will be your "completed form" that you can use for interdimensional travel. You will need to find all your shards unite them and once you know where you are going and you have a "shipping permit" aka "solved all your karma" and dropped all your "ballast" aka "earthly attachments" you are "free to go". Yeah, i think i might have found another shard last night, it was a bald middle aged man wearing a black robe, he was silent but a tad rude, forcing me out of my own bath tub and wanted me to bath with him (i was a girl with white hair) i wound going along with it and he seemed very satisfied, having slight smile so i suppose thats one more fragment dealt with. as far as earthl;y attachments go, i did finally beat orphan of kos in bloodborne last week after getting filtered for a year, felt like one less lingering thing off my conscience even if it was just a silly video game lmao >This is why "loving yourself" is important. Helps your shards fuse. Then having the "all encompassing love" and compassion to have the ability to fuse the parts of you that you think they are "Not (You)" for some reason. Like a part of you that you threw away in your childhood to escape a trauma and hid away deeply in your subconscious. Or a part you never had a chance to properly internalize in life yet. You will have to find those. I too just broke a large energy block in my brain yesterday and I am realizing how complicated this energetic "wholeness" can be. I see... >Yes. That pink woman is some sort of "love/passion". That force is necessary as a sort of "fusion". Your shards will need to fuse. There are many emotional frequencies and locks that let shards fuse or break. It is different for everyone. I too am working through this issue and it's not very simple. I too have cross life shards that I am finally having the chance to internalize but the process is not simple. I knew me seeing this pink elven woman wasnt coincidence, it was another connection just like lion king saber >Yes that happens. Always try to stay collected. But yes the mind has a tendency to go out of bounds when you unlock new parts of it. This is why meditating in a cave for years away from civilization is quite important in many traditions. Easier to forget those distracting mentalities we are poisoned with every day. But it's not important. Try to stay collected and feel/see why you are "falling apart". Understanding that let's you notice parts of you that "act out". I do try to ground myself and breathe it out a bit more of instead of always just letting the storm rage until it wears out >Yeah try to leave those faggots behind the friend that i told you about, he... basically agreed my sisters as well as far as the listening/talking to more women, etc. thing. so i dont call him master anymore but like i said before my sisters did give me permission about that other thing i mentioned before but as always i know my training and sisters comes first, i'll see and work with my friend after i do what i need to do >I was thinking about this for a while and... Fate Saber is literally "Minerva". Archetypically they share quite similar traits. Wisdom strategic leadership etc. I think she might be the next step you will have to understand. interesting.. i never know that.

"Shiva Anon" I sent you a thing, it should be on your astral desk. It's a book I had created, called "Rites of the temple", will be useful when dealing with your Russian girls. It's a modernized Atlanthean temple doctrine for its organization.

>>8109 Thanks. Tho my compatibility with those girls is extremely high. Rarely work with them "Personally" because we share similar goals. >It's a modernized Atlanthean temple doctrine for its organization. Yes it seems that way. I can read it and I can see the "formation" it tries to explain. Don't know what I will do with it. But if Atlantis is brought up I will mention an interesting trivia I found out a while ago. >>8095 The magic he was summoned with and was turned into a "living weapon" was done with "proto" atlantean magic. But he wasn't exactly summoned in Atlantis. Seems like the energy systems that atlanteans utilized existed before them but became widespread and utilized "perfectly" only in the Atlantean era. It's hard to talk about this topic tho. What constitutes as "atlantean" is hard to gauge because we know too little from that age and we can only rely on channeled knowledge. And the worst part is that most "channels" that they used for magic is either dried up or clogged. They can be reactivated but if you do that you will have to face the karma and deal with "new friends". I am taking slow and messing with these forces less nowadays. I have to prepare my mind-body for greater works like this. This matter is too serious to do it half heartedly. >it should be on your astral desk There are way too many things on it. Mostly tutorials for "beginners" because the realms/beings that "acknowledged me" usually leave some grimoirs for me. I am only being notified by urgent matters but I have forces that handle many of my urgent issues. The Gods told me that I don't need to focus on global issues because I will be "left alone" to pursue my path. And they kept their promise so far. This is why I am more "brown pilled" nowadays and only deal with stuff if they want to be "dealt with". I can take a break from this 4D chess to pursue my own 12D chess at least.

>>8118 >my compatibility with those girls is extremely high Mine is too, but that's not the point here. It's a temple organizational structure based off the one used in Atlantis, for how they should organize themselves to remain functional at all times, including when I make the leap into my Earth and temporarily lose the direct channel to them mentally. It doesn't matter how much I prepare, a new body in a new place won't have a mind, but will have to be built up from that context, which despite all the witchery, won't have the accuracy and knowledge I have here now, even though the set up has two parallel bodies, once diving into the physical one, the astral one will "disappear" from awareness for Idk how many years. So during that period they need to be able to deal with practical organization at their plane, knowing that they'll only communicate with my subconscious and I won't give direct orders anymore. That makes for some really "russian" arguments if there is no clear cut order structure already in place. By Atlanthean I just mean what was used in that era. It's a mix of doctrines and technologies. I also shared the "Rites of the temple" with anyone else who was interested. In short it explains the relations between the priest, the high priestess, the priestesses under her and the temple maids, and how they operate when either role is missing, temporarily or during the formation of a new temple.

>>8093 >Wonder what your "mother" said so far. ehh, nothing much from what i can recall, she just tells me the same thing my sisters tell me to do but... i can feel her aura, gentle yet very commanding so its easy for me to differentiate between her and my sisters >The reason why I said it's "personal for everyone" because everyone has different goals as they work with their life/magic/timeline. And because of it you might not need to trouble yourself with many distractions that others have to deal with. Hope this made some sense. I tried to keep it simple but I am unsure how much sense it made for you. Spiritual "buoyancy" aka how you flow from one place to the next is not very simple at the start. How you go from one world/incarnation to the next and how you leave the samsara etc. i see.. well, that does open up alot of things for me and makes me feel less... weird about it >Might say more later but I think this post was enough food for thought for today oh, no worries, this was good stuff. sorry i didnt respond to it yesterday, when it comes to the talks i have you with here (and my practitioner friend) i usually give these convos 2-3 time read over. I usually get it the first time but i just want to absorb and make sure i actually get it cause its like i said before, that weird thing where i get something but sh- i dont understand and vice versa. though due to the fusion more and more people are bringing attention to whenever i make typos and stuff one thing i forgot to mention about the pink elf woman was, one night she appeared and went into my current human body. it was like she turned into mist or something and slowly but surely started changing my body into exactly like hers and she kept talking about "Love and passion" saying how i will understand by being in that body or something to that effect

>>8094 >I lost control over my body like I had epilepsy Define higher I have no idea what that means anymore. I can take beatings usually so I couldn't tell you I was always in pain physical or otherwise. >It is always important to go down to the level of others when you talk to them mentally and energetically I don't know how. I am not human I can only pretend to act like one by reading everyone's mind of course they have no idea what they broadcast so what I do is wrong now I don't care what they think and it seems to be the lesson for me. I always did that but I only realized it now. One time my father got angry at me for greeting people in the wrong order when I was only following his expectation not to hurt him I do that all the time. I can also "look" using my other eyes which make me lick their innards and gonads and genitals to know the person but I lie to myself to maintain the facade because if I knew the kind of evil is dorment in "people" I would break things immediately. >I actually made people and animals freeze, tremble and get afraid out of nowhere because half my mind was still channeling some energies as I was doing my daily grind I channel all the time I don't know how to stop it short of becoming a rock and swallowing all my spread energies which make me freeze and go into maintenance mode which rips apart my skin and... Basically what we're trying to do I think. I scare everyone too but they don't realize it's me sometimes and due to loneliness I keep it in under immense pressure to pretend to be one of them so they attack me instead and then I explode and they get rekt or poisoned over time..they deserve it. >If you can feed their light/love properly they will shed their insecurities/negativity at ease but it's important to always let them do it at their own pace It did work with some people who could take my love. Animals are fine with me too they like me and I can tell what's wrong with them inately then I press their bodies and fix their ill. >Being able to feel all their pain as you do the "surgery" on them I do that by default friend I feel their pain and guide them through it it is when my benevolence is abused over and over that I lose it. My throne is love. I think it is a mistake to guide someone like this now it should only be for those who show benevolence themselves or for those we use one way or other. It should be seamless without a wave without a ripple even anything pulling is sin. >Oh and if you are crazy don't use it. Shoot..there is only chaos behind my mask and a throne >Arnie or Dolph Lundgren looking muscleguys Hot...might be because you are swimming too things appear like that Arnold, JFK something there now.. I wonder how much I'll be able to adapt this body myself I had to focus on the dantiens to not lose this one it felt like being outside strangling my neck with spider threads to puppet this body. I don't know how to use it so now I am forcing myself into it proper it's tanky so there is that. >Probably the pleiadian genetics doin I wonder what kind I have. Seem to be mixed with a lot of things. Tribal people with blond and red hair an aunt and cousin give off a weird Asian/Japanese vibe somehow, mother is inhuman but carry something old. I tried to trace it back made it to the garbage collector found some "revivers" but no ancestors yet I suppose. >Go deeper. True light only manifests once you get used to the darkness I hide it usually but I can be quite terrible. These forms require me to break in some ways. It's a form of destruction and I don't like using it. So I can survive that but I am making sure first.. That being said I can't speak freely yet. I wonder how much time we have left you have any idea? 6pm? Anyway I'll start pulling out energetically to come to a conclusion then we'll see if I can make these cycle works. I am terrible at grounding being mostly water I don't even dry my hand when I wash... Maybe I need to take things seriously.

Okay just had a strange dream which seem relavent to my post. I was watching Buffy yesterday finished season 2 when she left her home. Looked like her and was wearing similar hobo-mode clothes she wore when hiding from the cops. I was in a giant store drinking coffee remembering how I left everything behind looking at three girls shopping for flimsy fashionable clothes dolly vest with red flimsy dress underneath i started thinking: >they should wear practical clothes instead this is dumb They noticed me and came closer two to my left one almost behind the tall blond one in front to the right which started talking to me about her boyfriend, she told me his name which where I come from is quite common. Then I said: >it wouldn't be strange to have 30 people with that name in a class Which is an exageration. >hey that's funny that's the male version of Sophia! Then worke up. I don't think I hate people or helping them I just don't feel we can ever interact on the same level and I hate being used without compensation by people who aren't innocent but malicious in nature. Which is complicated to talk about since I don't even think they're malicious but rather so weak they get carried away by the simplest evil entity and in that case what are you doing being human. But the evil they carry isn't a "joke" so how can they do that? I have a feeling I can't even blame anyone it would be like blaming a rock and since knowing this stuff it falls on me to exorcise evil from them and fix things but it's not like I am parasite free either some are deeply burrowed.

>>8121 >sorry i didnt respond to it yesterday No need to instant reply. Take your time. As much as you need. This is a slow board and not discord where I ghost you if you don't reply within 2 minutes >due to the fusion more and more people are bringing attention to whenever i make typos and stuff You format quite well nowadays. You are far less of an airhead nowadays. You are certainly improving. It's a good sign. >one thing i forgot to mention about the pink elf woman was, one night she appeared and went into my current human body. it was like she turned into mist or something and slowly but surely started changing my body into exactly like hers and she kept talking about "Love and passion" saying how i will understand by being in that body or something to that effect You mentioned here >>7684 but yes I didn't comment on it much. Entities turning into "Mist" or energy can show you how an energy channel operates. Love and passion is an important aspect of the animating forces of the human mind body and spirit. To fuse it well you will have to clean your internal channels. Like cracks having dirt on it and that is why you cannot fuse it back. You shake of the dirt and melt your shards together with love and passion. When spirits enter that way it is a different type of "possession". Similar to invocation in a manner. Because they only enter a part of you and not "overtake you". They can usually highlight parts of you that you ignored previously and show you their perspective. I too had to accept that I should allow some spirits to "enter" this way instead of auto murdering them for the suspicion that they are trying something funny. Some internal channels of mine are still murky and I wouldn't ever notice it if no one showed me that it "exists". And I will explain what is happening >>8208 >>8218 in these posts. So... Currently many major egregores are crumbling. They are crumbling fast. And because of that that fragments might enter your awareness. I too started a major cleansing to avoid fallout. But this is important because glowniggers are not your "real worry" but you should get used to scenarios like this and learn to adapt to them. I will continue my timeline explanation now. With our shared favorite franchise Fate again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QRBqE9YO_c In the epilogue Saber is in Avalon while Shirou is being the "Redman" in his life. Saber has her own "heaven dimension" called "Avalon". That is her timeline. Saber lives in Britannia as her legend and she doesn't exist for Shirou outside of the Grail War at all. She is supposed to forget about him completely but Shirou's loneliness gives her a "glimpse" in her original life. Merlin helps them connect but he says how it is like a "mere dream" and a "foolish wish" but Saber still accepts it. Now back to Shirou. Shirou has his "reality marble". Reality marble is your own dimension where a magician reigns as a "God". Being able to manifest your reality marble is one of the strongest magic in Fate. Shirou can also retreat to his reality marble. In sunflower the astral island creation was about this. Being able to make your own "Paradise". To use it to rest entertainment or to cast magic. (You have your mansion already so you don't really need to make a new one.) Shirou can forge any weapon in his marble. He can "reforge" that marble and with every reforge it gets closer to the dimension Saber resides in. Once she gets close enough the 2 can become one and the same. But it takes quite a while to reach it. That is why Saber has to wait forever while Shirou needs to walk forever until they meet. It is a miracle a "wish upon a star". It was quite a simple wait explaining how timelines can meet and merge because of a "single bond". This was an example and a mere food for thought because the way it will happen for you is "somewhat" different and I might get it wrong. Where to even start... There are places where timelines merge. Where reality is "thin". You can call those places "junctures". In magic it is represented as the "fork in the road". You will be "returned home" by finding those "right turns". For that you will need to "clean" your timeline. You will face many "trials" which will show that you want to return home no matter what. >Mother and my sisters did help me You will have to remember Mother and your sisters no matter where you are. Once your mortal attachments are gone you might still fall into "roles" that resonate with your dormant feelings. Like anger (about medical insurance tier mundane bullshit). How you wanted to tell those people to fuck themselves. That is an emotion that you share with many americans. You are "Part of the hive". You will have to retain that part of you from the "hive". The collective american conscious. And remember your goal no matter what dream or scenario you are in. If you do it right you will attune to the right frequencies and you might start your journey towards the dimension that I am sure your mother will highlight. I still can't describe your "astral race" quite well but "mother" is a being akin to a god. Like an ascended wizard kind of God. Once you mature you will become like her. But on earth your maturity is somewhat locked. You need to be "close to home" to evolve. You are like a potted plant on earth and cannot grow well without the fertile soil that is at your home dimension. >some glowies tried to make me care about race culture war I just realized what this was about. You are overwriting your own DNA. When that happens the DNA "fights back" in some cases. Hard to explain but I too am activating my DNA and I am being reminded of so many weird shit that my ancestors did in their life here and there and I am being reminded that I am "made by them" but I am not them. I am allowed to live my life and forge my DNA. With that I am able to purify and attune the "true energies" that my DNA had within deep down. And fine tune the rest. Weird thing is that people become purer in my family as a result. Especially mentally and emotionally. Now back to topic. In F/GO timelines crash and your job is to clean or fix them. And when you fix something other things break etc. It will happen quite similarly. You will find your way clean whatever is in your way listen to the entities telling you what you need to do or learn and remove hostiles. Once that happens a "true connection" will form with your mother and she will be able to open a "Gate" for you. That is my take currently at least. Didn't expect that your mom will be able to assist you when you are still on earth. Seems like she misses your dumb ass.This insult didn't come from me. It was a sort of "parental remark" >her aura, gentle yet very commanding She has an emanation larger than a planet. Might be not visible for you yet but she is not like human women. She is somewhat "big". I don't know how she will appear for you. If dimensions open she might just grab you and pull you back if the conditions are met. She might drop you if you are too heavy (with earthly attachments). Earthy attachments are like iron attracting to a strong magnet (earth's gravity field). So if you have any attachment then she will have to compete with the pull of this entire Galaxy. Might tell more once more information is available. I don't want to confuse you further. I don't know how this will play out on your end. Comprehending the ways of your "race" is not as simple to me yet. They are willing to explain it's just it's quite otherworldly. I need to shift into my higher mentalities to access this level of information. Understanding concepts beyond life and creation itself is not always possible as a "human".

>Look into Persephone because I never worked with her and wonder if I can help anon out >Once i notice her energy a voice tells me that I shouldn't work her because she hates me >It makes me more curious to know why >She appears as some sort of haggard witch at first and starts yelling <Your heart is in heaven and hell already yet you still waste your time on earth <if you don't find yourself soon enough you will suffer on earth eternally <and stop amputating yourself constantly and find your own light already Turns out that removing energetic blockages amounted as "amputating" and I should have accepted them as "dried branches" and should have let them break down on their own. Then let the new ones made from pure light "grow instead". It was a nice imagery which showed me how trees naturally break down old branches and new ones grow from light. This method instantly cleaned up several blockages. I want to help anon too but... she is still not very nice to me until I fix my currents. Like she told me the reason she hates me because she is in her "autumn form" and I told her "but it's spring currently" so she grew into her "spring form" but she is still angry. Supposedly she is angry because I "transcended death" (according to the spirit that warned me) and people like that keep their dried branches forever and refusing to grow new ones. <Molded death into your own image yet refused to improve she just said this Some parts of me want to cry while other parts of me are overjoyed because this was the most useful advice I got for a while. She can't stop insulting me tho. I am starting to see why. Ho boy. The next days will hurt. Now I see my body as a dead forest. I will have to break the entire thing apart and regrow it. >>8148 I will get back to you later fam. I will suffermax a little first. I too will face some nightmares that I never knew I had.

>>8255 >Look into Persephone Uh weird I named a character in skyrim Persephone the other day but now I am playing with "Lili". I love how the Merovingian in the matrix says it Persephoneeee with his cute accent. >I will get back to you later fam Shhhh you don't have to worry focus on yourself yes. You realize we are but reflections of each other yes? If you fall I fall too so keep walking and I won't have to worry about murdering my way into heaven. I will share a bit but not too much. In truth I could overflow this board with poison but the root tree cannot handle it even though I too have claimed it. Anyway. My skull changes shape elongated neanderthal. Happened overnight we are quite distrissed about looking too strange but we do miss being very tall and very beautiful so we will let it happen. I deal in dangerous energies you see and until this board can handle it I won't show them. You don't have to answer don't fall for it we will eat you.

>>8255 I guess our experiences were wildly different. She gave me a daughter to work with instead, without even saying anything aside from "raise her well and she'll become powerful/useful", then she silently left again. Almost nothing was said. I guess she preconceived my demanding nature in terms of spiritual guidance and decided not to deal with it directly, same as a number of other deities already concluded. And it is easier to work with a daughter, since they'll have my world of concept while still channelling the same original source and egregore.

I'll up it up a bit then. Report anomalies if any.

>>8316 Wew. Yesterday I was learning some stuff in C# and made some objects with various qualities as placeholders to test with. One of them was a rabbit with "eatertype", which I sloppily added as "omnivore" instead of "herbivore". Although it doesn't matter, I noticed I had done that and changed it after.

ugh. Dealing with so much pain right now it's really getting to my heart. The thing is i can handle just fine but i have to suffer through it anyhow. It's like a pulse collapsing into a dark star, a void eating smoke like water with flames engulfing it all. Like behind me is a giant clam/vagina thing and it has teeth and eats evil but it need the right mindset or i get stuck churning shit trying to make butter. I had a particularly unpleasant dream, was in India, some random homeless dude managed to become a saint by gargling his own diarrhea and spitting it for others to eat in some kind of cow drink thing. He figured it'd get him free food and he had no idea what he was doing. The thing is he managed to sink the whole place down with his death cauldron, the people there are like innocent but hellish, even animals carry more wisdom like you could call a macaque wise but not them, the kind to attack you if you upset the system because they felt that way you know? Anyway had to work on that cauldron but it's still..so fucking gross. To enter there i had to break a few statues which forcefully woke up some of my selves well i think it is myself? some blond woman with hair flowing to her feet, a monkey holding his hand under her vagina as if to catch a baby and a lion statue behind him. Now that i think about it it was a Kirin temple that the homeless man desecrated. Anyway i killed the baboon as he wanted the flesh of the baby and i made friend with the lion. Anyway the cauldron thing is obviously cultivation and it shows how dirty it is. And then you have my dark magic with my jars. It's not like i want to do that it's just i figured i could still help them by sharing the sin and destroying it by becoming it... Bad idea yeah. Need to update my methods redo everything break things even if it means death.. all i hear is death anyway. When i reached that girl she just begged to be killed over and over and now that she's disturbed she is casting death spells on that other me that isn't me..which is good! Like homura cursing herself..funny. Oh yeah reached some dark realm, was like petroleum with an internal sun you make any noise and these..things jump on you and try to eat you. Was gonna bitch about how terrible that place is..like tearing someone apart and tasting their shit as you bite their innards is the highest pleasure that place has to offer. The anguish is so deep the taste of shit give you relief by meditating on it..like an edge over others. then i realize..these ain't people they're amoebas! Amoebas seen from my human pov..haha Did you know they had sex? like sex differentiation began there.. Anyway tried to keep this somewhat lighthearted..this more like random notes of adventures really. I keep wanting to cry my eyes out when i see old pictures from the 50s a voice that says <we died it hurts so much. Nothing i can't handle though. I try to be reasonable too but like when i get attacked it just..might take the attacks more serious and do old school hexes :p

>>8247 >She has an emanation larger than a planet. Might be not visible for you yet but she is not like human women. She is somewhat "big". I don't know how she will appear for you. If dimensions open she might just grab you and pull you back if the conditions are met. She might drop you if you are too heavy (with earthly attachments). Earthy attachments are like iron attracting to a strong magnet (earth's gravity field). So if you have any attachment then she will have to compete with the pull of this entire Galaxy. I've seen her form before a few years back i think. She had long white hair and looked something like pricsilla from Dark Souls minus the horse body. She... projected herself to be bigger than the mansion and this took place during a heavy blizzard at night where the mansion was. I vaguely recall my sisters and I being at a ball and i.. think i was wearing a white dress and went on massacre along with my sisters there were also items of a shelf, that looked like something of the gaming consoles and other things i have here at my earth home. i cant clearly remember what happened but i took a look at them but put them back since they were useless.

Okay so if anyone hears <kill me In a loop, ignore it.

>>8425 >my fingers jumble up if I write too long. My laptop was not designed for 200k character long essays Let me tell you about the Microsoft Natural Elite... I have multiple of these in both PS2 and USB for different computers, can't write properly on a flat and narrow keyboard.

>>8255 >I will suffermax a little This is fucking great. The Chthonic Gods truly know some neat tricks. I want to tell tales about it but I must continue to suffer. They have extremely advanced methods how they can find the weaknesses and hidden "dormant karma" of others and show the million of ways how it can be removed. The magician's karma was one of that. So many visions and glimpses of lives, worlds and events that I am not even sure if it is a prophecy or a mere process anymore. But there is no need to know these things. Everything falls into place. As much as I want to interact with the board I have a problem. Once I read a post I want to help the person behind that post. I want to show them the way or my way at least. But sometimes I have to trust the process. Not just mine but the "process of others" too. And I have to go through with my own process or my "help" will be wishy washy. I have seen them. The different magicians fighting each other and the perpetual "battle" that only existed in their own little world and how they ventured deeper and deeper in the void and lose their powers because they were not meant to continue with those "powers" of theirs. It was not meant to be carried around forever. A new power awaited them but they had to see that power first. And their power blinded them from seeing it. The underworld has it's own splendor but only if you are attuned to it. Otherwise it might appear as eternal torment for the "sake of it". I mean sometimes it is but... only if someone really holds a grudge. Otherwise that torment has a great functionality. After the first day my bones were aching after waking up. I was young and very old within my body at the same time. The past days were about remembering how I met "death" in my life so far... Death is not a mere "moment" at the "end of life". It is quite ever present. It happens all the time. Between every moment and between every thought. We rarely see it. But there are things that don't "need" to die. I am still not ready to share what I have seen so far. There is far more to the "story" that I am being shown. A sorrowful one but it has a strange "blend" that you can taste as you walk through it. It shows a way. The suffering is just something that keeps you focus. It is for those that cannot see or refuse to see at least. But seeing too much at once might hurt more than the "torment" that they "offer". >>8260 The reason why I didn't help Anon because Persephone has "2 sides". One that is close to nature, spring etc. The one that wiccans and others usually deal with. I had an inclination Anon might want her "other side". The "queen of the underworld". I have a "map" or a sort of "phonebook" in my "mind". I can "trace" the location of some deities. And I didn't trace her "nature" element but her "underworld" element. It happened instantly which means my intuition was right on. And as I felt the "wind" of the underworld I knew I just need to "ask" for her and... the process started. Humans can't enter the underworld "without reason". Magicians are an another topic because... well. Magicians. They are a great pain in the ass and a great treasure too. The conduits between worlds are always that way. They knew what I want. And are willing to provide. But I am certain not many people would want this. Not many people like to suffer for truth. Especially because suffering stems from the lack of truth and not from truth itself. Hard to notice it at the start. I don't know if it's only me >>8388 besides my brother in dubs but my suffering saga will continue on a little. I will lessen my activity a little for now. I will trust the process. I think I will come back when I need to help anyways. Yapping constantly does not always help but saying the right words at the right time is not always easy. I am no keyboard warrior. Talking for talking's sake and arguing for argument's sage is not my thing. My vocal cords hurt if I speak for hours and my fingers jumble up if I write too long. My laptop was not designed for 200k character long essays. >>8393 Do you know why I like to help you? And why you are the easiest to help? Whenever I look into your "path" I get too many information and no matter how weird it is I can ask around for confirmation and even you confirm it after a while. I always think "is this really how this is" then you confirm how it appeared for you already. I can't do this for most people. All you see is noise and confusion. You only see their "personal madness" and you know you are touching something "private" that not even they might be aware yet. Talking about those things is always hard. Especially because most people don't even want to know those things. You are simple in this regard. You want to be with your sisters and you want to go home. So all I have to do is to "narrow down" to things concerning that topic. And sometimes I even have experience with the things you are doing which makes it super easy. Like this. >She... projected herself to be bigger than the mansion and this took place during a heavy blizzard at night where the mansion was That "heavy blizzard" was a "dimensional merge". A sort of "astral thermodynamics". When the air pressure is different between 2 rooms and you suddenly open a window there will be a "storm" until the 2 room's barometric pressure reaches equilibrium. Once that air pressure becomes the same in the 2 rooms the 2 room can be considered the "same room" or at least "stable" to walk around/work in it. The problem is that... This "imbalance" cannot be kept up forever. It will balance out and one of the parties will be "blown away" if they cannot reach the same level, the same wavelength, frequency or "dimensional layer". If the realities cannot merge naturally then it appears chaotic. Which is better in some cases. Sometimes you don't want realities to merge. You just want a "mere glimpse". This is why psychics can know "something is coming" because they feel the "change in the air". This is where "domains" come into question to know which part of the world or reality belongs to which entity and how they can travel "freely" and what are the "rules" for that. This mechanic is hard to explain and how it appears in "practice" (aka summoning and banishing) so I will not say more for now. It is the usual "it's magic duh" kind of topic where it is either super obvious or impossible to explain. k enough posting for today. Almost said a bunch of things that I shouldn't have again. >>8426 Yes but upgrading my laptop to a proper computer just affirms my internet addiction and my dependence on technology. And I refused to upgrade because of that. I take pride in the fact that my laptop is ineligible for a win11 upgrade. I really need to find a better OS holy shit. But I really want to stop wasting my time with tinkering my pooter. It was fun in my teens but I just notice how i waste my time with it nowadays.

>>8427 >my laptop is ineligible for a win11 upgrade Win11 is not an upgrade, it's a failed attempt at an upgrade in the same manner as Win8. They again think your computer is a phone, and have changed it into retard graphics for no reason. In the same way there was no reason to replace Win7 with Win8, there will be no reason to replace Win10 with 11. Wait for the next one. Just my tip. Not an awakening (or?) but others seem to agree with this: 95/98 -> XP -> 7 -> 10 are the ok versions. After XP they built themselves into a dead end with Vista and had to trash 3 years of work to return back to XP and redo from there when building 7. That's why 7 is so stable. 8 and 11 have the same feel as Vista. They lost their way again and made a mess when trying to adapt to something which isn't computers, no idea why they do this recurrently.

>>8428 I want to set up an win10 LTSC since forever. And they will force win11 on every win10 user as much as they can. They did the same with win10. I used win8 but completely neutered all it's functions one by one. Because of that I was not pestered to update but had a psychic "tantrum" once when I was booting it up and the OS shat itself so I finally upgraded to win10. And I know I still didn't kill enough of the preinstalled software win10 has... Not to mention the anomalies that appear depending on my "mood" makes me unsure what do I even want to upgrade nowadays. Material technology was never designed with wizards and psychics in mind. It's like using your computer in your bathroom in some cases. Oh and I don't expect improvement from windows as long as they are on the infinite pajeet programmers and AI for the AI's sake route. I don't know when will they realize they need to return to the "trustworthy personal computer" route and not this retardation that they do for almost 2 decades to "keep with the times" or I don't know who the hell advises them to be this retarded.

>>8430 Win10 professional is perfect, but the home edition is completely different. It's clearly illustrating the difference between "illuminati member" and "goyim cattle" by some kind of ironic joke built-into the system. I'm not sure how it works, but my technomancy usually solves things like this. I got a new (old) computer for free but its system was in french for some reason and filled with trash, so I formatted the drive and just went for some option of installing from the web. From what I get normally this would require a loicense and registration and shit, but I've found if you just give all your information to Bill Gates you can usually bypass any restrictions, and it worked this time too. I just logged into my MS account and suddenly Win10 home was for free😛 But the free win10 was like opening in "restricted mode for prison planet cattle". All normal options are disabled or not even visible. Essential functions and software is not installed. Updates can't be disabled (seriously?) it really feels like the panopticon being imposed on you, when you spend all your life in the tower, thinking it's normal. There are some other strange things going on here, such as finding out that there are built-in emotes accessible with the windows key, but... 👩🏿👸🏿🤴🏿they literally default to be black with woman, princess and king as the first options. I can't help loving these little MS quirks, along with the actual services they still provide if you just "expect" them to exist like the hidden "microsoft app store" and "download center". These places always makes me feel like I'm part of a secret club when I use them. Is it just my impression, or does most people now know there are a lot of free things like this, and always were? And right there in the open? To keep this on the thread topic, these things do give me a weird feeling ever since the 90s.

>>8431 > now know *not know

>>8431 I think the illuminati egregore went haywire for a moment when I accidentally found the emotes first time, because as I failed to close the window which popped up, it typed out a bunch of "man with turban" emotes in the bing search window, and once I managed to close it, it searched the web with that as the search term, which brought up a set of vids from youtube with a little girl in a sports top dancing and talking about fashion, and the vids had like 8 views.

>>8427 >The one that wiccans and others usually deal with I met Hecate the other day. I wasn't really in the talking mood and frankly was throwing a bit of a tantrum. She left after mild possession and an exchange of blood between ourselves. >The "queen of the underworld" <of thy underworld yay! >:3 it's the on neo kisses in the matrix >I have a "map" or a sort of "phonebook" in my "mind". I can "trace" the location of some deities This is a bit of an infohazard for me oh well we're way past that here. It looks like Mephala's crown here for me. But behind the head..like a network. It's like catching and focusing gently gently so that it becomes bearable..otherwise i am busting the back of my head open; it's one reason i refuse to call gods unless they present themselves in "courtesy" forms. Had to strengthen my neanderthal bump behind the head and other bones to handle the charge. Not exactly in spider mod but it's relevant all things considered; i still don't now how to wield the scythe. >>8430 >I want to set up an win10 LTSC I set it up like two weeks ago myself. Just followed a /g/uide and installed simplewall as a quick and dirty solution. Annoying bug with the mouse click though kinda weird maybe i should fix it already. Funny i have a switch of the finger when nervous too.

>>8431 >Is it just my impression, or does most people now know there are a lot of free things like this, and always were? And right there in the open? People don't "use" computers or phones anymore. It's just something that's happening to them. Windows crashing is something windows did. they are completely removed from any level of control. I am not about to rice my OS though. It feels like i maintain myself in perpetual comfort-discomfort. Not sure if it's just something i have to fix or if it's necessary. Sure I'll change the font and the wallpaper to "feel more at home" or root my phone if i need. But even on linux most i do is install i3wm and copy someone's config adjusting as needed.

In hindsight i am very much an Angel. I should have known better since working with them. I act very much so like Sariel. But it took me getting high which forced my lower chakras open to get a glimpse into what's going on. My magic is much stronger with both alcohol and weed, thankfully my compassion gets stronger too so i do not do harm even in this compulsive state it just gives me a "you asked for this" boost. I remember how to be one..but it's not like i have a celestial body going on..or at least not any i can connect to currently..human human In a way i am scared to get stuck into that mentality again..I would need someone to snap me out of it if i do it too early :'(

>>8516 Dark wings and a scorpion tail. Who is she?

>>8516 I am acting out. I will reiterate. apologies. The bat faced deity who englufed my stomach in fire. I believe you have warnings to give me.

Nvm I got it. Sin eating :/

I think more of my DNA(?) is being overwritten and more attachments(?) are being dropped >Remember trying to fight a red dragon >was trying to do something dumb like parry a fireball it shot out at close range, i failed and kind of got smacked around for a bit >her/me came and killed it, then she threw me atop a retardedly tall ladder and swung me around with telekinesis >after she got bored with that she sent me into a pocket dimension for safety(?) and there was a girl in a wheelchair who happened to be there >i had to tend to her and treat her like a princess, she was silent but kind of bratty >turned out she wasnt actually crippled and just like riding a wheelchair... for some reason >she was apparently happy i treated her the same regardless of her being crippled or not it was strange but oddly pleasant overall... >She came back and basically had a wrestling match with me. You know, the kind that siblings would have >Cannot remember the exact context but the gist was i guess a part of me (likely subconscious as ShivaAnon said) was still stubborn/resistant or another fragment entirely >to no one's surprise she basically floored me and i remember crying and screaming, saying "I accept, i accept!" I supposed it was either resistance or my mind drifting off to random places without noticing it but i feel alot better while waking up (my back still remembers the pinning though) >Finally saw my mother, though i think she took the form of the mother i have in this current human life >i saw a girl that looked like pic related, was being in stasis and had a wilting flower from her chest >mother had a talk with me... unfortunately i cannot recall all the specifics but it involved the girl in front of us >it felt like a choice between abandoning her and letting the flower wilt or coming back and reclaiming(?) >i recall making a different choice; staying and tending to the girl, she was brought back to life and flower had bloomed and grown, it spread out too >apparently judging by what happened and by mother's expression i had somehow made the correct choice it felt like i was... reconnecting and reclaiming things judging by the girl in regards to myself and my sisters. i guess it was a test of resolve..? >last night i remember being in outer space with a group of 4 men(?). >one of them was advising us how to proceed through a bridge and space port we were traversing because if we fell, we would die and fall back to earth. >i wound up going traversing just fine but i had a weird experience where i was witnessing what happened to the other 4 members >one of them, the person who gave us the advice fell off trying to collect some giant bolt thing (like the titanium/platinum/gold bolt collectables from the ratchet and clank games) because the platform kept rotating >1 other person was trying to collect treasure off of corpse ala dark souls and hit one area where they had to kill some lave spewing scorpion and some kind of bat in a small enclose space >the person killed the bat and barely killed the scorpion but it transformed into a new monster and killed him >after witnessing all this all of a sudden i find myself in some kind of temple or monastery(?) where it was all women, i think it was that all female cult that always takes me. they obviously kept me inside with them but they had a morgue and i went to see the bodies >but they weren't there >wake up I dont know if this was some kind of racial/dng egregore (because two of the men were black and my current human self is mixed race so...) mixed with whatever attachments i hvae or not. but it does feel like, a good amount of things were removed from me